Only Love can leave such a mark

Around the time of Jen's death I found myself becoming irritated by obituaries of well-known people, which typically put emphasis on their great public achievements and pass over glaring failures in their private lives. The businessman Richard Pratt, who died a couple of months before Jen, comes to mind. Like most people, Jen had no great public achievements to record. What then is her legacy?

One of Jen's driving passions was family, and so the boys and I were always a priority. She poured much of her energy and love into us, even during her last ten months when she had so little energy to spare. The legacy of that love is so deep that it's curiously hard to isolate -- for the boys the effect of Jen's love is right at the heart of who they are and will be. When they can no longer remember the sound of her voice, the years of love that Jen gave them will still be burnt into their lives. By contrast, I know adults who have struggled for decades because of a critical lack of love in their childhood. I am reminded of the Harry Potter books, in which Harry as a baby and a teenager is protected by the invisible mark of his mother's love.

As for me, the fifteen years I had with Jen have changed me thoroughly - it's extraordinary how Jen's encouragement and belief in me has enabled me now to survive the last eighteen months and continue our joint commitment to the boys. Grief is the dark side of love - it's because Jen contributed so much to our lives, that her absence seems such a void.

In the last few months, I've begun to wonder whether I can do much more in my life now than look after the boys, keep the household going, and hold down my job. Reflecting on Jen's legacy, I've realised that looking after the boys and loving them probably has a more important impact on the world than any number of external achievements. In church over Lent we've been working through some material from Rick Warren (author of "The Purpose Driven Life") about the centrality of community in Christian life. I've been excited again to realise that the family should be a microcosm of the church - that all my responsibilities to other Christians are first of all also responsibilities to my family. It's here, in the trenches of everyday parenting, that Christian faith should make a difference. I hope and pray that despite my failures - and who does not fail daily as a parent? - I can continue what Jen and I began together, and leave that same mark of love.